Monday, October 12, 2009

Dear John

Dear Heather,

Do you remember when we first met? I was sitting with my friends in A1 Furniture. I saw you look at me. You had a slight smile and I could feel your eyes follow my curves even as you continued to walk by without missing a step. Did you know I was witnessing this? I had seen that look many times before and nothing had come of it. Still, I was cautiously excited. Then, you walked back through a little later, stopping a little longer this time. Not even trying to hide your interest. It was thrilling! I was scared! I felt my caution turn into optimism. I didn’t want to admit to the others that I thought you could be 'the one' from that first furtive glance, but now you weren’t being subtle anymore. I was about to draw their attention when I noticed you walk away. I felt my assurance drain the further you moved until you were out of sight and I had nothing left except this incredible feeling that I somehow lost out on the best opportunity of my life. I was disappointed, empty, and questioning what I should have done differently. I was grateful I hadn’t embarrassed myself in front of my friends.

And then, you returned for the third time. You brought a man with you. He was tall, dark, and handsome. What I heard every woman wants. You were taunting him, I think. Teasing him by snuggling up to me, running your hands down my back, talking about how smooth I felt. I was astonished! Most people I met were not as forward. They kept their short flirtations a secret from everyone! I was flattered and very drawn to you. I should have trusted my first gut instinct and not lost focus. I didn’t care that I had felt betrayed when you walked away. I knew I would be going home with you before you said it out loud. That I would take up residence in your space, in your heart, and in your memories made me happier than anything else I had experienced!

This morning, I find myself sitting here, in the office, facing the computer. The lights are off and it is chilly. I feel alone. I have been alone for a long time. Sure, there is the traffic of the other people in the house. There are the customary exchanges, the social niceties, the occasional opportunity for me to be useful. But they are dwindling. They come infrequently. They are not fulfilling. They only provide mere flashes of the life I use to live. I feel as an intruder rather than someone invited to partake in your life for what I thought would be forever. I never wanted to have that relationship. You know the kind I am speaking of. The one you are constantly tripping over or shuffling around in order to make room for others. Sadly, 'that' is where I find myself.

And I know. You tried. You tried hard! Do you think I didn’t hear your conversations with the man about how much you love me? About how difficult it would be to find another who could fulfill your needs as well as I had? I heard you tell him that I was still a solid and good part of your life. That I should not be abandoned on some road side and left for forgotten! I have appreciated this. It is has kept me warm and provided me with a space in this dreary room in the warmth of your house.

But, it is not enough for me. I deserve better! I deserve a family who loves me. One who wants to sit and read like the two of us use to. Someone who wants to wrap themselves up and lie down on me. Someone who is looking for the great support that I can provide them. Someone who appreciates me for who I am and brings me out more than just when their friends come over.

I have loved my time with you. I would wish you the best of luck in finding a replacement, but I know that already exists. You have found great comfort with 'the replacement'. And I am happy for you in this respect! It would be so much harder for me to leave if I knew you had nothing to fall back on. So, I leave with my memories and the knowledge of your well-being and the excitement of building a new life with someone else.


The Chair

1 comment:

  1. As I sit here thinking of what to sat an A1 commercial flashes on the TV. Is that irony? probably not.
    Any way I love the image of you stroking the chair in the store for Jeff (just an assumption).
    I can see how it is hard to stray from a this format with the prompt. It is a very directed prompt.
    It is very fun piece to read.