Friday, December 31, 2010

A Cold: Creative Description

Hello. I am C. Virus, Interior Designer to the Eccentric. My job is to prepare the estates of those wonderful viruses and bacterias that function somewhere between genius and madness. I was invited to share a few tips for making your homes as comfortable as theirs for those times you are looking for a longer stay.

The first thing I would tell you is to check out the security. The lower the immune system is functioning, the more comfortable you will be. An immune system that is working well tends to evict tenets rather quickly.

Next, bring your heaviest furniture in by spine, especially if you can start at the base of the host's neck. In my experience, this leads to confusion of the host. They seem to think the discomfort is due to a bad night's sleep or working out too hard. It buys you time to really get settled and everyone knows the more settled in you are, the longer you stay.

My preference is to decorate in deep greens and yellows. It's a nice touch when the host starts doing the dusting for you. I look at it as a little festival for them every time they sneeze.

Of course, when hanging your paintings, use the widest nail you possibly can. My personal favorite place to hang things is behind the eyes. I prefer screws for hanging the heaviest things and I find the cerebral cortex an excellent spot for this.

There are many other things I would love to share with you, but then I would be giving away some of my trade secrets so I will leave you with this: Don't forget about the basements! Throats and lungs hold surprising promises for a long and comfortable stay!

*** One Minute Writer ***

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