tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-141151674921716750.post5363260647081554491..comments2023-03-24T04:48:45.809-07:00Comments on Language Is A Virus: you see something that convinces you the house is hauntedUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-141151674921716750.post-3405398274502844352009-11-02T11:25:18.542-08:002009-11-02T11:25:18.542-08:00Ways to expand....
Why "you" moved. You ...Ways to expand....<br />Why "you" moved. You mention it in the 5th paragraph, play it out. May be as a before the story starts. Describe the town. What is Lebanon like. <br />Describe your bed room in more detail. Maybe make plans for it.<br />What are you going to do the morning after research the family you saw in the dream? Who are they are they in your house or a house that was there before?<br />Who sold you the house did they have any tidbit of history to tell you.<br />How about meeting you neighbors are they small town weirdos or Bedroom community commuters. A Stay at home Mom with too much time on her hands while the kids are at school?Victoria JK Dunnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01002803636069191866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-141151674921716750.post-22316397444159110132009-10-15T09:55:55.719-07:002009-10-15T09:55:55.719-07:00Lots of descriptive words. This piece made me hea...Lots of descriptive words. This piece made me hear the noise, "see it." I feel the tension that the writer feels, seeing and hearing these things in the house.Sheshehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02339114618356896311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-141151674921716750.post-34710847917175354022009-10-13T19:57:06.346-07:002009-10-13T19:57:06.346-07:00Firstly let me say I see the merit and where this ...Firstly let me say I see the merit and where this is coming from but It is not my favorite piece. I think it is because it feels disjointed and not in a way that is purposeful. I think there might me a tense conflict in some place. yes all present tense but the subtle difference between perfect, progressive, simple etc. ect. <br />For example I found myself asking what happened to the tea did she manage to set it down. <br />Everything else in that paragraph seems resolved (I am not sure if that is exactly what I mean)<br /><br />OK I am shutting up now. SorryVictoria JK Dunnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01002803636069191866noreply@blogger.com